Office Rule #25: Thou shalt shower everyday, today is not “Bring your funk to work day!”

Office Rule #24: If we can’t tell the difference between your Halloween costume and your Casual Friday attire, you lose!

Office Rule #23: Your mobile has the right to remain silent. Crazy ringtones played during meetings can be held against you during your annual review.

Office Rule #22: If your lunch stinks, heat it up w/ the top ON & eat it OUTSIDE. Break room smelling like Fisherman’s Wharf!

Office Rule #21: Please settle domestic disputes at home, if your crazy spouse shows up at work, we will use the TASER. No questions asked!

Office Rule #20: If your breath smells like hot sour cream do NOT speak on the elevator. Just. Hold. Your. Breath.

Office Rule #19: Do not play music in the background during your voicemail greeting. This is a work phone, not your pager.

Office Rule #18: When the dept orders LUNCH for a meeting do wait until lunch is over before you start boxing up for you kids DINNER!

Office Rule #17: Office supplies are for… the office. Not for you kids schools supplies.

Office Rule #16: You have NO excuses for misspellings! You see the red squiggly lines? They’re not for decoration!

Office Rule #15: If the signature line in your email is longer than the body of your email, just send a text message.

Office Rule #14: She that gossipeth to you, will gossip about you.

Office Rule #13: If you’re supposed to be “out of the office”, please be out of the office. I mean, we had a party planned & everything.

Office Rule #12: It’s summer-time, please apply you antiperspirant accordingly. Smelling like chili-cheese fries w/ extra Funyuns!

Office Rule #11: Do not schedule a weekly meeting if there aren’t new things to discuss, weekly! That’s so Jet Magazine.

Office Rule #10: Do not walk around with you Bluetooth headset on & blinking. Aside from unprofessional, you look stupid as hell!

Office Rule #9: If you print personal documents on the printer and don’t retrieve them timely, they WILL be read by others. Don’t be mad, be quick!

Office Rule #8: If you see a coworker sneaking out early DO NOT yell, “Have a great weekennnnnd!” That’s just wrong.

Office Rule #7: HR can’t extend casual Friday’s to include wearing jerseys on Lakers games and then conduct a satisfaction survey. That’s “lobbying”.

Office Rule #6: If you have a hacking cough stay HOME. If you get me sick, my sick day will be deducted from your hours!

Office Rule #5: Do NOT call out sick today and get caught on the News at the Lakers parade. We see you!

Office Rule #4: Don’t call in sick on Monday and come back Tuesday telling us how great your weekend was. We know the difference, you’re not slick!

Office Rule #3: If you’re an Administrative Assistant & don’t know how to mail merge, please remove administrative from your title.

Office Rule #2: If you must make a call from my desk, use the speaker. I don’t know where your mouth’s been!

Office Rule #1: The office phone is for office use. It is not to be treated as “anytime minutes”. It is not your cell phone.

(add your own “rules” in the comments!)

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